As I learn to heal my wounds, it’s funny or rather it seems to me to have been rather humorous looking back, that I hadn’t looked at my circumstances as wounds which needed healing until I began the process of letting go. 

  

Recently being in a conversation with my significant other about parting ways, I had sensed something had been up. Perhaps I hadn’t chosen to see what was coming. I was still in “my” Joy space.  

 

I sensed something had shifted for him, subtle shifts  and changes. When I asked, the response was always, ‘no worries.’   I’d forget the importance of checking in, having conversations and sharing. Conversations are and have been so important to me. I had forgotten that not everyone thinks like me.  

 

Having straight conversations can often be challenging and confronting to many.  In my line of work, I’ve learned they don’t have to be.   I’ve learned to hold the space of listening and not reacting and yet I’d forgotten to be sensitive to my partners needs, I had an expectation that this was realized.  Lesson learned for sure! 

 

Although, it seems to me that there hadn’t been much choice:  begging, kicking and screaming were never an option.   Wouldn’t have gotten me far other than a sore foot or throat for sure. Simply put, he choose. He choose what felt right for his reality. 

 

All the ‘why’s’ and ‘what if’s’, should’ve’s, would’ve’s or could’ve’s  had been all part of the monkey chatter going on between my ears at the time.  The sleepless nights. My mind wanted to scream out, “I may have done something or said something that triggered a past based reality” however, I am in “this” reality here and now. I decided to come to the acceptance sooner than later. Doesn’t mean it hadn’t heart any less.   

 

Had there been a prior conversation, would it have empowered the course changes required to shift into another way of Being, another reality? I have the power to choice to change!  However, that little girl inside of me who ask’s all the ‘why’ questions will never truly know.   We’re not meant to know .  It always seems to me, to get down to a conversation or lack of it.   Nothing wrong… the what is…

 

Apart of me feels cheated of potential opportunities.   I felt a loss, I felt hurt and experienced the pain.  I felt growth, and I felt life.   I feel gratitude  , I feel …

I felt love and it changed my world forever. I felt… I am alive!

 

I am clearer, it truly is another beautiful day in paradise. In time the pain subsided and now, when the memories come forth, it has the day shine brightly all the more on life’s beauty being touched once more by fond memories without the sting.

 

When I change the way I look at things, the way I look at things change.